Perspectives and observations on the issue of same sex attraction, from the point of view of a Latter-day Saint involved with an Evergreen affiliate, as well as other personal views about life and living. The author can be contacted at jenkinsroger@gmail.com. Content copyright 2004 by Thomas Jessop.
Ensign, Sept. 2004, page58
"Compassion for Those Who Struggle"
This is an insightful article on what family, friends, and priesthood leaders should know about this problem.
Link here to locate article.
http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll?f=templates$fn=default.htm
I will probably never understand the difficulty fully. In a recent circumstance, I realized that the man who spoke felt a tremendous emptiness inside him. I have heard this before, and never fully understood. (I still don’t fully understand.) As he spoke, I realized that it was as though an emptiness the size of the Grand Canyon had been stuffed inside of him. No matter how much he did, how hard he tried, how much he struggled, how much he tried to fill that emptiness, it was too big. Every effort seemed fruitless in comparison to the emptiness.
When faced with those kinds of odds, who would not be discouraged? Whether a bucket full or a dump truck full – it will be so small in comparison to the hole that it cannot be measured.
To those who might feel this way, I can offer only one consolation: the power of Christ can overcome all difficulties.
The Spirit has impressed me deeply to know that Jesus Christ bore all of our infirmities and weaknesses and sins, and that in him we can find rest. I know that through his grace, no problem is unsolvable, and no burden is too great. All of our problems require spiritual help. All the good books and counselors and support groups we can find are no substitute for the help that comes from our Heavenly Father. Often our prayers are answered through those means, but he is the source of the help. I know that the Savior lives and loves and cares for us. I know that our Heavenly Father lives and loves us and guides our path.
Therefore also now, saith the LORD, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning:
And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness...
(Old Testament Joel 2:12 - 13)
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;
To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
(Old Testament Psalms 103:8 - 18)
But behold, the Spirit hath said this much unto me, saying: Cry unto this people, saying: Repent ye, and prepare the way of the Lord, and walk in his paths, which are straight; for behold, the kingdom of heaven is at hand, and the Son of God cometh upon the face of the earth.
And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem which is the land of our forefathers, she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Son of God.
And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
(Book of Mormon Alma 7:9 - 12)
But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that he by the grace of God should taste death for every man.
For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.
For both he that sanctifieth and they who are sanctified are all of one: for which cause he is not ashamed to call them brethren...
Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;
And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham.
Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.
For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.
(New Testament Hebrews 2:9 - 18)
Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
(New Testament Hebrews 4:14 - 16)
* * * * * * * *
I pondered this difficulty and realized that the ultimate help is spiritual help. I was troubled, though. Surely there must be another way of looking at this problem – the hole is so big.
There is another way to look at the same problem. The Grand Canyon consists of two parts: the large emptiness, and the canyon beneath. Looking upon the emptiness, one fails to see the canyon. But when we visit the Grand Canyon, we don’t go to see the empty space, but the see the canyon itself.
Every soul is just as spectacular as the Grand Canyon. There is infinite worth in each person. To study only what isn’t there is to miss the magnitude of what is there.
Because every soul has worth, He is not ashamed to call them his brethren.
Years ago I worked with a single man who was trying to overcome a pornography addiction. (This was before the internet.) He had a substantial pornography collection. When I inquired as to how much he had collected, he told me that the street value of his collection was probably more than the value of his home (about $50,000 to $70,000). I imagined that this three-bedroom home was just stuffed with his collection – every closet, every room, every nook.
I inquired what he intended to do with the collection. He thought he would try to sell it. We discussed the fact that by selling it, he was simply passing his problem on to someone else. I suggested that he might do better to throw it all away. I challenged him to throw it away that day. He had never thought of that possibility. He said he would do it. I asked him to call me when he was done.
Evening came and went. He did not call. Several more days passed. No word from him. Then, on about the 6th day, he called me. He told me he had just thrown away the last of it. (It had taken him that long.) He was excited and relieved. He felt he had been relieved of a great burden.
In later discussions, he shared with me the feeling that he had been chained by his addiction. Once he had thrown his collection away, he began to make progress. He testified often of the power of the Savior that had changed his heart. That change had occurred after he threw away his collection.
I have thought since about a number of lessons I learned from that experience.
It takes faith to get started.
The power of Christ can change our hearts.
We cannot surround ourselves with evil and expect to progress spiritually.
What we think about affects who we are, and what we may become.
While my perspective is not that of someone who struggles with SSA, in certain respects, whether a person struggles with SSA or with inappropriate OSA, the struggle is the same. We do have feelings. They are given from a divine source. They are good feelings. The issue is not that we have them, but in what manner they are expressed and what we do with them when full expression is not appropriate (which is nearly all of the time).
As my friend discovered, when he was surrounded by opportunity for inappropriate expression of those feelings, he was continually tormented. He could never escape that torment, because he was reluctant to give up opportunity to return to his addiction. I imagine that it was constantly in his thoughts, since the temptation was as close as the nearest bookshelf. Until he was willing to make a complete change, to abandon even the possibility of return, his growth was stifled.
Though probably to a lesser degree, this is a battle which every man must face. The feelings are real. The battle is not won by pursuing unsavory thoughts, but by recognizing that there are some avenues of thought that are never productive. If never productive, they need never be visited again. Dwelt on, they color every thought, every desire, every wish. Abandoned, they are forgotten.
Some avenues of thought are never productive. If that is the case, why go there…ever?
Periodically I find an article or other material that seems appropriate to the subject of SSA and the healing process. Those pieces sometimes reinforce the thought that many of the "SSA" issues are not exclusive to those who struggle with SSA. This article by Dilworth Parkinson is another such item. Its applicability is broad.
