Some Thoughts About Treatment

As I have learned about SSA, I have discovered three different approaches. All three seem to address specific needs of the person who struggles with this issue.

Reparative Therapy: Developed by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi and other clinicians, this approach describes a process of emotional detachment by a struggler, in which he successively detaches himself emotionally from father, from same sex peers, and from his masculine attributes. He fails to develop perceived male characteristics, struggles to develop the capacity to form meaningful and healthy relationships with other men, and begins to sexualize his emotional deficits. The treatment includes education, focused work on developing relationships with other men, learning to develop perceived masculine skills, breaking down the perceived mystique of manhood, and helping the man to learn that developing his masculinity is a process, not an event. (This description hardly does justice to Dr. Nicolosi’s work, and inadequately describes his analysis of what goes on and the therapeutic approach. The reader is referred to Nicolosi’s Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality.)

A cognitive/behavioral approach: The best analysis of this approach I have read was written by Dr. Jeff Robinson. (See link elsewhere on this blog.) In his analysis, he focuses on SSA as a by-product of years of contemplation, coupled with feelings of sensitivity, introspection, and perfectionism. His analysis tends to be somewhat pragmatic: one can hardly be expected to have OSA feelings if one is constantly entertaining SSA thoughts. Thus, much of what he recommends on the therapeutic side has to do with refocusing the thoughts, abandoning inappropriate behaviors, and accepting the fact that life is a growth process (some of which may be less than pleasant). (Again, the reader is referred to Dr. Robinson’s website for his own analysis.)

A growth-oriented approach: Alan Medinger focuses on a small segment of what reparative therapy tries to address; specifically, the need that SSA strugglers have to develop masculine qualities and characteristics that all men develop through the growth process. Growth is not an event. It is a process. In his book (Growth Into Manhood), Medinger points out that a loving heavenly Father will not do for us that which we need to learn to do for ourselves. We try to let our own children grow from their experiences. Wise parents realize that they cannot take the right to make mistakes from their children. Similarly, the SSA struggler discovers that part of the recovery process is learning what every man has to learn. There is no shortcut to learning to be an adult.

It appears to me that virtually every approach I have encountered has its roots in one of these three approaches. (I admit that I am no therapist, and there is probably a great deal more of good material available. But this is what I have learned so far.)

I find all three approaches to be powerful and persuasive. Each emphasizes a different aspect of the healing process: emotional detachment and isolation, behavioral and cognitive issues, and growth. It is interesting to note that none of them deals specifically with sexuality. None focuses specifically on a man’s sexual orientation. All try to help a man address his specific needs in the healing process, and to develop emotional stability and security, and positive and healthy relationships with other men and women.

I think it would be a serious mistake to believe that resolution of SSA issues can occur independently of spiritual healing. My experience at the AIM weekend described elsewhere illustrated this. It seems that much of what I have seen and heard described by those who struggle is related to feelings of self-doubt, low self esteem, or unjustified beliefs that one is somehow less worthy. In part, those feelings are present in every person’s life. Part of growth and spiritual development is coming to the understanding of who one is, as a son or daughter of God. (See Harold B. Lee, “Understanding Who We Are Brings Self-respect, Ensign, Jan. 1974, 2).

By the same token, however, I think it would also be a serious mistake to believe that the resolution of all SSA issues could miraculously occur in one spiritual event, never to be revisited. Medinger is quite specific on that point. By his own account he was healed of feelings of same sex attraction in a miraculous spiritual event, but then had a great deal still to learn. One former bishop expressed the same thought. He indicated that he had once believed that the struggler primarily needed to pray, read scriptures, and attend church, but that he had since learned that there was much, much more to be done.

In its own way, each of the approaches above focuses on an aspect of the healing process. I believe it is not a question of one being right and the others wrong. It is much more the case that each views the issue from a fresh perspective, and gives insight to a problem much larger than many of us (I, for one) understand. I believe that spiritual healing can be aided by the application of these ideas.