Creating a Safe Environment II

I recently attended a seminar by Richard Cohen ("Healing Within"). In the course of the discussion, he talked about the need for a struggler to find a safe environment as a necessry precondition to the healing process.

Unfortunately, the world currently seems to be divided into two camps. One camp is horrified by the prospect of same sex marriage and is quick to ridicule anyone who is not equally horrified. Those in this group fail to understand the distinction between being "gay" and having feelings of same sex attraction. Lumping all into one category, they are quick to condemn to hell all who fall within the predefined category.

In the second group are those who preach tolerance, equity, and fairness, and advocate acceptance of and the legitimizing of "gay marriage".

One group rejects both sin and sinner; one group accepts both sin and sinner. Neither group realizes that there is a third group: those who have rejected the sin but still face the daily struggle of dealing with unwanted feelings of SSA.

Richard Cohen's point at the seminar was that all people, especially those who do not understand this issue (because it is not something they struggle with), need to differentiate sin and sinner, and recognize that a person who struggles with an intensely personal issue needs love, acceptance, and encouragement, not criticism.

I have personally been awed by the example of one man who works with strugglers, whose charity is broad enough to include both the struggler sincerely seeking for change and the man or woman who is openly gay. (He related once that his son's gay friends liked to visit their home, because they felt such love and acceptance there.)

In a church environment, much can be done to change the tenor of the atmosphere and "discussability" of SSA. What can be done includes:

1. Acknowledging publicly that SSA is a problem for some people, and that most of us know little about it.
2. Encouraging ward/quorum members not to make comments, even in jest, which deride or belittle those for whom this is an issue.
3. Inviting those who might have personal issues in this regard to speak privately with priesthood leaders about the issues.
4. Acknowledging that help is available for those who struggle.
5. Encouraging all to treat everyone with charity and kindness.

Until we create an environment in which people feel it is safe to discuss the issue, we can hardly expect that they will do so.