The Blessing of a Mortal Body

Whether a person struggles with SSA or with inappropriate attractions to the opposite gender (OSA), some of the difficulty seems to lie in our ignorance. By this I mean that there seems to be a "mystique" about the human body that has its origins in our lack of understanding about it.

The restored gospel teaches us that the mortal body is an important part of our eternal progression, and that it is a gift from a loving heavenly Father. It is not inherently evil, as has been thought by some.

As part of the Father's plan, we each experience attractions which are intended to bring us to marry, which is also an important part of the plan. Those attractions are divinely inspired. However, and particularly when we labor in ignorance, those attractions can be distorted into inappropriate feelings of attraction.

The body is a marvelous gift. It's functioning is divinely designed. We take much for granted, even as we enjoy the blessing of how well it functions.

As I have learned about how it functions, it has given me a greater appreciation for what a marvelous gift it is, and a much greater reverence for both the Creator and for his children. In that appreciation and reverence one can also find strength in the challenges of dealing with inappropriate feelings.

The following are some of my musings on the subject.

* * * * *

We all live in a mortal, physical body. It works so well that we rarely worry about how it works, except when it doesn’t. That is one of the marvelous aspects of it.

I have recently read about the muscles of the body. I was amazed at the complexity I discovered. For instance:

How do muscles work? Muscles that work our bodily parts are placed in ways I had never imagined. Because they pull and twist our various parts, they have to be placed in such a way to make that possible. Thus, the muscles originating in the chest (thorax) and shoulder control the upper arm; the muscles of the upper arm control the lower arm; and the muscles of the lower arm control the hand. The same is true in the thigh and leg. A muscle must have its origin in a “fixed” point not in the limb being moved, in order to have any effect on the limb. The muscles originating in the hip and abdomen control the thigh, the muscles of the thigh control the knee and leg, and the muscles of the leg control the foot and toes.

For example, bend the right arm at the elbow, and hold the forearm in front of your chest, palm down. Repeatedly flex the fingers, making a fist, then extending the fingers. As you repeat this action several times, watch the motion beneath the skin just below the elbow. You will see the upper end of the extensor carpi ulnaris, as it flexes the fingers. This muscle extends from the outside of the forearm, just below the elbow, down into the little finger.

On the back of your hand you can see a number of cord-like lines, which pass from the wrist to the fingers. In part, these are the lower end of the extensor communis digitorum muscle, which originates just below the elbow in the upper arm (on the outside) and reaches into your fingers.

Another good example will probably be best done in the shower when no one is looking. Lift your knee so that your thigh is in a horizontal position. Move your foot toward the other leg slightly, while flexing your thigh. Here you can observe the muscles extending from the pelvic region down into the inner side of the thigh.

One last example: the gastrocnemius is the superficial muscle which forms the greater part of the calf. This muscle has its origin in the femur (thigh bone), and reaches to the foot, forming the Achillis tendon. If you raise your foot up and down (as in tapping your foot in time with the music), you can feel this muscle flexing just below the knee.

A number of muscles in the lower leg reach down into the foot and connect with the toes. Perhaps this is why the calf and shin muscles hurt when a person wears uncomfortable shoes. This is probably also why a cast for a broken bone in the foot reaches far up the leg: the muscles affecting the broken bone must be immobilized by the cast.

One of my favorite demonstrations can be done by placing the hands in front of the chest, and flexing the shoulder and neck muscles. If you watch yourself in the mirror as you do this, you can clearly see both clavicles (collar bones). You can also see the sterno-mastoid muscles, which appear as two cords angling down the side of the neck toward the sternum (the narrow flat bone in the center of your chest). Then as you raise, lower, and rotate your shoulders, you can see the clavicles (collar bones) moving the shoulders up, down, and all around.

There is much to be appreciated about how marvelous the body is. It is complex and beautiful, in both its design and operation.

Adventure in Manhood Weekend

I recommend the following, in which I have personally participated. The information below was sent to me by the sponsoring party.

* * * * *
Adventure in Manhood: Now is the time to register for the Adventure In Manhood (AIM) program for the Spring outing on May 13-15, 2005. Upon request, the registration deadline has been extended to April 30. The weekend experience will entail a backpacking adventure into the mountains of Arizona. This program was developed to assist men and youth who struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction (SSA). The activities and events are designed to promote healing for the emotional issues and wounds which create SSA. AIM fosters healthy bonding with men, through masculine activity, teamwork, and socialization. AIM challenges individuals physically, mentally, and spiritually in a safe circle of healthy men. For more info and to register: www.adventureinmanhood.com

Some Thoughts and Ideas

On April 10, 2005, the Gilbert AZ Highland Stake sponsored a fireside addressing the subject of same sex attraction (SSA). I found the following points to be of interest.

Jason Park, an LDS author and leader, spoke about the process of overcoming SSA. Acknowledging the difficulty of the process, he compared it with competitive diving. In competitive diving, a diver is rated on both the difficulty of the dive and the execution of the dive. An athlete may execute a dive perfectly, but his score may be less than that earned by a diver whose dive was more difficult but executed less perfectly. As we pass through life, each of us has challenges. Some trials are much more difficult than others. The process of growth involves learning to do the best we are capable of doing. In some cases, a less-than-perfect performance with a particularly challenging trial, given by one striving for perfection, may be more significant than a perfect performance in dealing with a lesser challenge. None of us is qualified to pass judgment on another, since none of us understands the full measure of another’s trials.

Priesthood leaders are not trained therapists. The counsel they give is often inspired by the Holy Ghost. They may themselves be learning, even as they are counseling with a ward member. [From my own experience, I know this to be true.] We should not discount their counsel. Both priesthood leader and ward member should work together to understand the promptings of the Spirit.

Some (not limited to those who struggle with SSA) become preoccupied with trying to have their “needs met”. The Savior never spoke in terms of having one’s needs met. He taught that we should lose ourselves in the service of others. A preoccupation with getting one’s needs met may be counter-productive. This is not to suggest that there are not areas in which growth is required. But the teachings of the Lord suggest that serving in the priesthood with other men may do more for growth than focusing on self. (This theme often seems to reappear with men who have served full-time missions. When they were most engrossed in the work, they found their unhealthy feelings of SSA to be greatly diminished.)

From Another Perspective

This issue is very difficult to deal with. But I am reminded of a discussion in group many months ago. The men were discussing the idea that some of the problem is the attraction to the unknown -- once they got to know another man as a person, they were no longer attracted to him. From my own experience, I suggest that part of the problem is also cultural. In the Puritan or Victorian culture which is so much part of our culture, there was a reluctance to discuss certain subjects, particularly anything that had to do with the human reproductive or execretory systems. From an anatomical point of view, this is fairly senseless. And yet the taboo persists. And the fact that we cannot socially discuss such topics simply adds to the unfortunate air of mystery which compounds the problem.

Everyone who is active in the church knows the answers to the question: Why are we here on earth? [To gain a body, and to be tested.] I think our Puritan/Victorian reluctance to think about the human body as a miraculous blessing sometimes obscures what could be a source of great gratitude in our lives.

I offer the following as a brief diversion from the issues surrounding the topic of SSA. As you think about this, consider what a great blessing the human body is.

* * * *

I have been reading Gray’s Anatomy, a work originally published in 1905. It is a detailed description of the human body, its development, and many of its functions.

Reading it, though tedious at times, has been a powerful reminder of what a marvelous blessing it is to have a physical body (one of the answers you always hear when the question is asked: “Why are we here on earth?”) It also reminds me of what miracles surround us daily, in the development, growth, and functioning of our physical bodies.

Some of the major bones of the body are as follows:

Spine – composed of 33 vertebrae, including (from top to bottom) 7 cervical, 12 dorsal, 5 lumbar, 5 sacral, and 4 coccygeal

Skull – composed of 8 bones which make up the brain case and 14 bones which make up the skeleton of the face

Sternum – a flat narrow bone situated in the median line of the front of the chest

Ribs

Clavicle – the collar-bone, located between the sternum and the shoulder

Scapula – the shoulder blade

Humerus – the bone of the upper arm

Ulna and Radius – two “parallel” bones of the forearm

Femur – the bone of the thigh

Tibia and Fibula – the “parallel” bones of the (lower) leg

Patella – the kneecap

Of course, there are a number of other bones, but if I listed them all, this summary would be longer than a summary.

In anatomy, the word “articulation” refers to the joint where two bones come together and interact.

One of the first interesting things I discovered was that the basis for much of the movement in the shoulder is in the articulation of the clavicle with the sternum. At first this seems to be a little odd. But the following illustrates the point.

With your left elbow by your side, feel your left clavicle with the fingers of your right hand. Now move your left shoulder up and down, forward and back, and note how the clavicle moves with the shoulder. Shoulder movement is based in the relationship of the clavicle with the sternum. When the shoulder moves, it is driven by the clavicle.

The movement of the forearm is the next interesting articulation. The ulna is the larger bone of the forearm. When the arm is bent at a 90 degree angle with the palm of the hand down, the large bump at the end of the elbow is the end of the ulna. If you move your fingers down the arm toward the hand from that point, you can feel the ulna down to its other end, which is a large bump at the wrist. Now, keeping your fingers on the ulna, rotate the arm outward to bring the palm of the hand up. Note how the ulna does not move, but the other bone of the forearm (the radius) rotates around the elbow joint. Isn’t that pretty amazing?

Next, note that when the arms are extended by the sides and then bent, the hands naturally come toward the face. Another way to see this is to hold the arms straight out in front of the body, with the forearms at a 90 degree angle to the upper arms. From this position, try rotating the arms outward (either left or right), and note that movement is very limited. However, if the arms are rotated in the other direction, the hands will come together, or the hands can touch the opposite elbows. It is interesting to observe that these motions of the arms and elbows facilitate both eating and giving hugs, two of the more important things we do.

Another interesting observation has to do with the (lower) leg. The tibia is the major bone of the leg, the fibula is smaller. The fibula is located on the outside, the tibia on the inside. The “shin” bone is the tibia. The inferior end of the fibula forms the exterior bump on the side of the foot often referred to as the ankle bone. The inner bump on the opposite side is the end of the tibia. If you move your foot, you will note that all motion occurs below those two bumps, which are the ends of the long bones.

Also interesting to note is how the tibia and fibula join the foot. They do not join with the foot at the back of the foot, but about one fourth to one third of the way between the heel and the toes. Unlike how we drew a foot as children, the ankle is not above the heel.

For one last observation, look how the knee and hip joints interact. The knee does not provide much rotation. The rotation of the legs is provided from the hip joint. (This is best observed in the shower, but don’t spend too long doing your scientific observations.) Note that the knee joint allows the leg to flex and extend (from a straight position to a 90 degree angle), but that nearly all of the rotation of the leg comes from the hip joint. Also notice how much rotation and twisting motion is available from the hips.

These are just a few samples of the incredible things we take for granted. If you study how your body works, you will continue to be amazed.

Controlling Thoughts

Years ago I read an essay by Truman Madsen which gave me a lot of insight. The ideas it expresses proved helpful in some of my most trying moments, as I struggled to learn to control thought. The following quotation from that essay is taken from "Christ and the Inner Life," the chapter entitled "Christ and Conquering Thoughts," published as part of Five Classics by Truman G. Madsen (Deseret Book Company, 2001).

* * * * *

So suppose a diabolical picture comes to mind, a thought of which we are ashamed (or is it the feeling we have toward the thought that makes us ashamed?). The force of it may blot out all that we ordinarily see and feel. Spiritual sensitivities are the first to go. We isolate this fraction of consciousness (I've got to have this out!), build up syrupy anticipation, convince ourselves that this is what we really want, and become numb to all else. Thus, it is fitting to speak of blind rage, blind greed, blind passion. In his Screwtape Letters C.S. Lewis has the devil say to a henchman, "It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds; in reality our best work is done by keeping things out." We have forgotten that we would "always remember him" (which is more than remembering his teachings).

In such a moment of distress how can you pull him into your consciousness so that strength replaces weakness? I designate two ways from the prophets.

1. Picture Christ and remember how you are bound to him. In the crisis for example, when your temples thunder, imagine what you are tempted to do as if it were a large sledge hammer. See! See if you can stand at the cross and by this act or indulgence swing that hammer on the nail. That will break your compulsive pattern and restore enough to your consciousness to enable you to cry out and mean, "No!"

2. The other picture is positive. It is the more calm but daily vision to overarch all else.

It is the vision of the real-in-prospect.

Take, for example carnal thoughts, the bubbling erotica which imbue our environment and, mysteriously, the subconscious. Ask yourself what you really want. But as you ask, invite and invoke your spirit, the deepest and best in you, and the Master's Spirit. Search with him for the vision of love and marriage that can claim your whole being, to include, but not end with, the chemistry of the flesh.

Such a vision will bring into focus a queen or king, an anticipation of the real thing. You will be inspired by your righteous thirst for such kinships and excitements. You will envision love that glorifies a pathway through the temple of God, and finally the culmination in which there is whiteness and joy.

Thus you take raw subliminal impulses that corrode. You sublimate (literally make subline) them into conscious, desirable pictures. You light corroding fire with redeeming fire. And Christ who is the exemplar of all forms of godly love becomes the revelator both of your own possibilities in the world of affection and of the pathway that will make them actual.

Without such a vision the heart is sort of a mixer of cheap poisons for our veins. But with it life takes on a deep-breathing color of godliness. But isn't it sinful or at least impractical to have such visionary fantasies? Listen to Orson Pratt: "There is no danger of loving too much, but only of loving too little." Lurid, lustful desires are a form of the "too little." But the effulgent dream of godly love is "at the foundation of everything worthy to be called happiness."

You doubt? You fear to open up your own caldron to the Christ?

Then go on pretending, if you must, that there is a way to hide. But hear in the distance what, if you will, you can feel in the marrow of your bones. It is a contemporary voice the Lord expressed in Doctrine and Covenants 6:36: "Look to me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

The Quorum as a Support Group

One of the advantages of participating in a support group is that the underlying premises include emotional honesty. No one needs to play the "pretending game" because everyone is there for the same reason -- to discuss issues honestly and openly and to seek help and support from others in the group.

One of the disadvantages of participating in a support group is that it makes a person aware of how poorly we provide help and support to each other. The contrast makes a person wish that openness and emotionally honesty were easier to find.

I maintain that the priesthood quorum is the support group of choice. But, unfortunately, it sometimes does not function as effectively as it should. I raised this issue in my own priesthood group a couple of weeks ago. Surprisingly, many agreed with me. One, in expressing his agreement, remembered having that strong feeling of support from the men in his military unit. I suppose we all wondered how to achieve that same feeling in the priesthood quorum.

At the suggestion of a friend, I made a proposal to our group leadership of an activity for the next group social. The suggestion was not unlike what transpires in a support group meeting: discuss questions of a more personal tone, instead of having some activity followed by conversation with no specific direction.

The questions and related introduction were as follows:

Introduction and instructions
Often we are reluctant to share our feelings and experiences with others because we are uncertain of their reaction. We would rather not share personal feelings and experiences unless we are sure that they will be appreciated. This evening we will consider a number of questions. You are not required to participate. If you choose to participate, we ask that you share only what you are comfortable sharing. As you listen, respect the trust that is shown by those who speak.

Select from one of the following:

Give a brief account of your life.

Tell the story of how you and your spouse met and were married. (It would be most entertaining, if you both selected this item. Tell the story from your perspective.)

Relate the story of an experience in your life that was particularly difficult, meaningful, or life-changing. Share what you learned from that experience.

Tell the story of your conversion.

The social was last evening. The discussion was entertaining, as all of the participants selected the courtship story option. As the evening progressed, I observed feelings of unity, appreciation, and bonding that were unusual, only in that I have not seen them in this group like this before. If everyone felt as I did (and my wife concurred), it was a very successful evening.

Moral (if there is one): A priesthood quorum (including spouses) can be an effective support group.

We have a ways to go yet, but if the first pass is any indication, this could be good.

Summary of the Issues

I recently read the following, which provides a good summary of some of the issues.

www.peoplecanchange.com